I managed to get away with only two Christmas parties this year and both were a cracking good time. Cracking being the operative word as I managed to recreate the ending of Torville & Dean's Bolero on an icy Broad Street in Birmingham in my new Paul Smith party shoes........TWICE! Well the queue outside Walkabout demanded an encore so I had to oblige, didn't I.
Christmas shopping was stress-free this year. Did it all online in November. How bloody cool am I eh? Well I was really cool until my father rang me last Friday to inform me that he'd forgotten to tell me that the hamper I ordered for him had been sent back to Harrods due to the fact that he'd forgotten it was being delivered and had gone out for the day with his new lady friend. It must be the Scottish water. I mean he's 80 with arthritis and prostrate trouble FFS!
Anyway said pensioned lothario forgot to tell me that this happened a week or so before, so I'm left making frantic calls to Harrods at 5.27pm on the Friday before Christmas to try and find out where the bloody hamper is. The local Post Office don't have it and it's not found it's way back to Harrods either so it's probably landed up as a special Christmas gift to some lucky Mother in Dundee whose son works for Parcel Force.
Between me and a Harrods Customer Service Manager, who sounded like Zippy from Rainbow, we managed to agree on a hamper re-send and I told the old letch that he had to stay at home for a couple of days and wait for the delivery. I'm sure he could find something to keep him occupied on GalaBingoBabes.co.uk if he gets desperate.
Christmas day was a rather bizarre experience. Me and my ex spending it with my ex's boyfriend and his ex. It wasn't as bad as it sounds and in fact it was quite good fun. Well anything is fun after 3 pints of mulled wine I guess. It was all going rather well and in fact I found the ex's boyfriend's ex to be extremely attractive and was enjoying the day more and more. However the thought of someone else I like right now made me hold back and not get too flirty. That and the fact that even thinking of the complications of me with ex's boyfriend's ex................ Oh jeez it just doesn't bear thinking about! That would be a 4 star blog in the making or a dead cert for a reality TV shown on Living TV between Queer Eye and Extreme Makeover UK. Is it just me or are the UK women on there not really that different at the end? They all still look a bit Chav but with nice hair and a decent dress.
Whilst I'm on this rather gay topic. I was having a browse online and for some reason landed up on the Channel 4 News Form. Bloody hell, Boxing Day is an anti-climax.
Found the usual gay debate on there. These threads are common on the News Forum and it amuses me how some people will post anti-gay statements in the guise of a 'debate'.
I find it really strange that some straight males claim to fear homosexuals like they're some sort of heavy mob waiting to pounce on fragile little men and force them into some gay sex act. What is it they fear I wonder?
It surely can't be the act of budgery as that is popular between consenting straight couples (mainly for male gratification). It's also common in male schools and prisons when there's nothing less hairy around.
It leads me to assume that this terrible fear must be due to the fact that, what they will quite happily do to a woman or indeed another man, might be done to them by some big gay brute of a man. OK maybe I can understand that the role reversal may not be appealing but I wonder where these men think these fearful attacks might take place?
Trapped behind the lockers in the Virgin Active gym and tied up with some iPod Shuffle headphones?
Bashed over the head with a bag of Mange Tout and dragged into Tesco's toilets......more room in the wheelchair cubicle ;-)
Heaven forbid they should sit next to a gay on public transport. That would be just asking for trouble! Look out for tell tale signs guys (HEAT magazine and Diesel trainers) before you sit down.
OK I'm being flippant now but I really would like to know why someone would be scared of me and think that I'm on the prowl every day for a weak straight guy to dominate for sexual pleasure. Hmmmm. I'm turning myself on now.
Most of my male friends are straight and I don't see them trembling with fear in my company. Backing off at the overpowering smell of my D&G cologne maybe.......but never scared of the contents of my pants. I do combat sports as a hobby and work out with a lot of tough blokes who don't bat an eyelid about my sexuality. It's just not an issue for them.
Oh look I've gone off track again haven't I. Back to Christmas.
It wasn't so bad after all and in fact I received something nice on my new phone that made me smile during the present unwrapping. I did get lots of lovely pressies but then there were the usual presents that required Academy Award standard acting during the ceremony.
I mean how would you react at the sight of a remote controlled Dalek and a Croydon Advertiser mug...........
Post script
Since I wrote that blog 6 years ago things have changed and homophobia and fear of the gay is now sneered at in the media.
There have been a couple of examples recently on Reality TV that have shown how attitudes have changed.
Leon, the wimp, on The Apprentice was rightly ridiculed for his fear of giving a bloke a spray tan. His girlfriend tried to defend him by saying it was because he was a man's man. I'm saying nothing ;-)
The Hunks on Living also made a point of making Idris look a complete idiot when he wanted to leave the series because his straight flatmates were quite happy to help each other with hair products.
Let's just be totally clear on one thing guys. You can't catch gay from a jar of Molton Brown hair gel.
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