Saturday, 3 July 2010

Ain't No Sunshine

Wanna Be Startin' Something

John (8 wanks) James is really winding me up. I'm confused. Aren't Australians supposed to be fun loving and carefree? We're the Whinging Pommies! This dour and miserable man is constantly frowning and bickering with his housemates. Cute as a Koala but with the attitude of a possum trapped in a garage. I think the sun, sea and sand has frazzled more than just his hair.

For a good looking straight lad he's got a rather strange way with the opposite sex. His idea of flirting seems to be insult and attack until the girl cries. Once he's achieved his goal he switches into victim mode and makes them feel guilty. It worked a treat with Rachael and Sunshine and even Ben was put through a similar wringer during a long drawn out argument about something so trivial that neither of them could remember what the hell it was about.

Josie on the other hand has his card marked. She obviously has the hots for him and the chemistry between them oozes out of my 40" Sony Bravia. However she doesn't stand for his stroppy nonsense and that riles him even more. He's a strange boy. Maybe the clue was there from the beginning. Maybe he just needs a buxom Bristol lass to help him empty his scrotum.


Mario's obsession with the limp wristed socialite is wearing a bit thin now. There's quite a lot of sexual tension in the house this year but somehow I think that Mario is definitely barking up the wrong tree, or should that be the wrong wet lettuce. He's even pissing off himself with his self appointed role as lap dog to the toff with a trout pout. I like Mario but even I wouldn't be aroused at the sight of those saggy blue Y-fronts.

In The Closet

Ben is a bit of an enigma. An enigma with hair like Beaker from the Muppets. I hated him for the first week but have to say that I've really warmed to his oafish charms. I love the way he's always upsetting the more touchy members of the house. Can't work out if he's doing it on purpose or he's just lacking good social skills. He's a survivor though and has managed to turn it around with his old nemesis Shabby. Somehow, despite his constant faux pas, he's able to coast along like a lovable rascal. His banter with the Tree this week was hilarious. Oi! Brideshead. Genius.

Heal The World

Dave is a tosser.

The Girl Is Mine

More unrequited love in the girlie department with lots of mixed messages from the Irish bird to a love sick Shabby. Whilst the flirting between Ben and Mario feels fun and natural there's something quite calculating about the way the Dublin diva acts towards her admirer. Shabby's another one who's letting her sexual frustration turn her into an aggressive cliché. I can't make up my mind about Shabby. Sometimes I think she looks vulnerable and pretty but in her rages she changes into a rabid Bobby Ball.

PYT (Pretty Young Thing)

I love Corin, despite that voice. She doesn't say very much but when she does you realise that there is a brain of sorts under all that fake tan and hair dye. Loved her orange muppet. I think Steve got a kick out of fondling her puppet puppies too. It must be frustrating for her in there. All that money spent on makeup and fakeup and she's not getting a sniff of any boy attention. Does she not realise that men don't find Jordan attractive!

They Don't Care About Us

Ife and Nathan haven't really impressed me yet. They're like extras in the Queen Vic.

Say Say Say

Please please please say something! Has Steve actually spoken since he arrived in the house? What a bloody let down. Our very own Iron Man has turned out to be more Wall-E than Terminator.

She's Out Of My Life

I'm gutted that Sunshine has gone. I loved her attention seeking antics and over reactions. Her fate was sealed this week over a packet of crisps and a flash of her muff. After the lamest apology ever from John James she left the house with a toilet roll cover on her head. Back in the real world I can't help but think that a Doctor with an eating disorder and a wardrobe like Sue Pollard isn't going to impress the Medical Council.

Josie to win :-)