Girls Just Wanna Have a Bloody Good Ruck

It’s all gone a bit pear shaped this week and I’m not talking about Carole in her turquoise bikini.

Emily and Chanelle were first to get in a tangle over the hair straighteners. The poor Wakefield lass was left bereft with her natural curl. She then lobbed a laminate at Charley. I can’t remember why exactly but it seemed to involve a kidnapped boot and 3 white socks.

Nicky and Laura squared up over foraging for food as mealtimes became increasingly flatulent. Hardly surprising when I think they only ordered chocolate bars and 8 varieties of lettuce. Shopping in the Big Brother House seems to be even more difficult than navigating the SKY+ planner!

I really love the way Charley hovers around every argument asking people to chill out. It’s a bit like the Hunchback of Notre Dame telling you to sit up straight.

The shopping task was a corker. Lesley smirked whilst gripping tightly onto the ‘Most Intelligent’ post but turned Medusa when Emily said she was ‘Least Considerate’. That woman can do stony faced better than that bloke in the middle of Trafalgar Square.

Shabby threw a wobbly when she was manhandled off the podium and relegated to mid table in the attractiveness stakes. Maybe it was a sign of things to come as Big Brother punished her for discussing nominations and she was stripped of her sparkly face mask and cartoon wardrobe.

Tracy had her very own morning rave on her birthday. Waving her glow sticks around, she put me in mind of a bin man on Pro-Plus at a Star Wars convention.

Emily had a kamikaze week. In the space of 48 hours her mouth and brain were divorced and she disappeared out the back door, in the middle of the night, with no knickers.

The poor twins still seem out of their depth and just run about in the background. They chase each other around the house in their underwear like a trailer for the Adult Channel.

With Ziggy’s nominations cancelled what on earth would Big Brother do to fill the time on Friday? Well they chucked in two gay guys of course.

I think Seány was pitching to be the next Dr Who. Sorry mate but Colin Baker did that look already. Gerry the Greek was an instant hit with the girls and the crowd. The only person who didn’t seem to take to Gerry was Seány. I’m surprised they didn’t get chilblains when they were sat next to each other in the Diary Room.

Seconds out. Let the bedroom battles begin.