Beadeviled

Free loving hippy my arse! Not since the loathsome Jason Cowan graced our screens have I despised a housemate so much as Bealzebub. It's freaking me out that I'm actually starting to warm to Lisa in the wake of this cold, conniving .............. almost used another C word there!

Bea entered the house a few weeks ago portraying herself as a lovable and peaceful wood nymph with high morals and a sense of fair play. The way she refused to trap Freddie in the task given to the new housemates was admirable and she cleverly endeared herself to the viewers who were distracted by a small Asian buffoon with a strange Scottish/LA hybrid accent. What was his name again?

There were early signs of what was to come when Bea and the small Asian buffoon had an argument. The first mountain from a mole hill was created as the Bristol bitch turned the screws. The hippy mask finally slipped as she sat smirking on the fag bench demanding to know if the small Asian buffoon felt intimidated by her. The question jarred and was further evidence that this little princess may not be all she appeared to be.

Give her some due though. She'd thought about her game plan before going into the house. She quickly had Freddie under her spell as he flopped around the house after her like an Andrex puppy. She also became 'best friends' with Noirin, the other big character in the house. Being friends with Bea is a poisoned chalice as both would find out very soon. Friendship with her is on her terms and when the real Bea surfaces it's like being given a bed bath with Ajax and a Brillo pad.

The worm turned when Noirin went a man too far and snogged Siavash, only to dump him 2 days later when her American Daddy turned up to rescue her from these lusty lads. The knives were out and Bea took it upon herself to provide the weapons at every opportunity. Suddenly she was Marcus' number one fan and decided that she was the girl for Siavash. Neither were particularly impressed with this change of heart so Bea upped the bitch factor and slung mud and arrows at Noirin until the Dublin hussy was duly evicted with her Yank in tow. I can still see Bea's smug face as she sat on the sofa gloating in her self made Team Marcus t-shirt.

Bea's lack of self awareness was also coming to the fore. She was brutal in her condemnation of Noirin's flirting but quite happy to announce to the house that she'd already slept with over 50 men in Bristol. I'm always suspicious of people who talk about 'free love'. It usually means they're a complete slag.

Dim Dave was next on Bea's list. The house Shrek was subject to her snide comments in and out of the Diary Room. Her main beef seemed to be the fact that he's about as articulate as a pot bellied pig and just as greedy. I felt like phoning the RSPCA.

Bea's awfulness exploded like an horse ejaculating this week. Clearly miffed at the lack of male attention as the boys were more intent on being rebels without a cause she turned on Freddie. Sulking like a stroppy schoolgirl after he tried to give her some friendly advice about her constant bitching. This advice went down like a lead balloon and she ripped him apart with an icy calm that reminded me of Hannibal Lecter's psychological dissection of Clarice in Silence of the Lambs. He didn't stand a chance and by Friday he was gone. The sly smile on her face when Davina said Freddie's name sent a chill through our hearts. This woman is evil personified.

Suddenly she's best mates with Dave & Lisa but Lisa's not daft. Dave on the other had is and he's looking more bemused than normal at this new best friend routine. Dave, she's as fake as her skanky hair.

The best thing about watching this nasty woman is that she's not nearly as clever as she thinks she is. My favourite quote on the week was when she was sat in the diary room, bitching as usual, and called a fellow housemate a duplicitous noddy. She was wearing a red beanie hat at the time.

In other news. Sophie's tits have got even bigger and Charlie and Rodrigo's love/hate relationship is getting on mine.