The Glums

Well the scruffy little oik with the inflated ego went last week and guess what! Suddenly everyone thinks Freddie is great. Even the loathesome Lisa has been singing his praises through nicotine stained, gritted teeth.

After the rabbit furore it seems that Noirin is now being targetted by Lisa and Karly. They've done nothing but bitch about her 24/7, in between scrabbling around the ashtray for fag butts. A right pair of kill joys, who keep banging on about wanting to enjoy themselves but clearly find it impossible to crack a smile. Their idea of fun seems to be moaning and sneering at the bus stop like a couple of half empty glasses of bitter.

I think Noirin should ask Big Brother if she can have the marker pen back. She was much nicer when she had her moustache and glasses. The Queen of the cold shoulder has slouched around the house all week with a face like a slapped arse. Mind you I think I'd be a tad miffed if I had a hairy minger like Marcus drooling over me day and night. She needs some new male totty in there or else she'll have to make do with a Beauty & the Beast photo shoot for Heat magazine when she gets out.

Marcus has been like a bear with a sore head for most of his time in the house but it's getting worse as his Noirin addiction consumes his life. Her constant rejections are bringing him down but when pressed by Noirin about his surly demenour he came up with the quote of the week - 'actually I'm upset about the death of Michael Jackson'. Classic!

The only thing that cheered him up this week was Nikki Graham in gold hotpants but the sight of him leering at her under his duvet was the creepiest thing I've seen since the Leslie Grantham webcam footage.

Marcus gave another example of his attitude to women when he welcomed the buxom Michelle Bass to the house by asking her to get her baps out. Now you expect that sort of behaviour from teenage lads on the piss in Kavos but it's hardly going to improve his chances with Noirin or endear him to the viewing public. Loser!

I'm convinced that Rodrigo is completely unhinged. The unpredictable Brazilian veers from house prefect to crazed psycho at the drop of bowl of chick peas. Some might say it's his fiery Latin temperament but I just think he's a nutter. Face of an angel but the personality of The Incredible Hulk.

He chastised everyone for disrespecting the house fixtures and fitting and then in another fit of rage proceeded to douse the bedroom with cooking oil. Would you do that to your own house Rodrigo? Most of the time he's like nice wallpaper. Pleasing on the eye but after a while you don't notice him. That boy needs to show a bit of spunk if he's going to stay the distance. Maybe Charlie could help him tease it out ;-)

Even Freddie has lost a bit of his WOW factor. I think the fact that he didn't get nominated this week has made the whole experience less AMAZING for him. He even looked crest fallen when his electric shocks weren't as painful as the others. It took the rooftop revolution to put a spring back in his step and give him some purpose in the house.

Freddie's a true Brit who thrives in the face of adversity. He has a wartime spirit but give him an easy ride and he turns into a couch potato who slobs around all day in his dressing gown and woolly socks. The joy on his face when Big Brother removed said couch could be a sign that Churchill is back.

Now I know I called it a roof top revolution but to be honest I don't think this lot would have worried the French aristocracy. Most of them found the climb too hard. Siavash was reduced to a quivering wreck when he was about 3 feet off the ground and clung to the wall frame, wailing like a cat up a tree until he was rescued by Marcus. Siavash seems to be making a habit of getting into dangerous situations. Only the other day Freddie had to come to his rescue when he saw a spider in the kitchen and took refuge in the sink.

The revolution was a dismal failure. Come on Big Brother. Let them eat cake and throw in a packet of Marlboro Lights, some budget lager and cheese & onion crisps. Oh wait. You did!

Charlie & Sophie are still our village idiots. I think Sophie really is just a harmless simpleton but not convinced by Charlie playing the fool. The way he turns into a gibbering imbecile every time he enters the Diary Room is so contrived. I so want to like Charlie but this dizzy queen act just doesn't ring true. Come on canny lad. Get some balls and be yourself pet.

The tasks with the ex housemates were great. Evil Rex shocking the gang was hilarious. Noirin cried and Lisa got the hump......again. However the prize for the biggest laugh this week goes to Brian Belo, who sat in the Diary Room tickling his balls whilst calling boobs - ooglie booglies and task discs. Priceless.

I wasn't sad to see the back of Karly on Friday and it didn't look like her boyfriend Kenny was that bothered either.

'International playboy' Kenny joined the house with fellow newbies Bea, David, Hira and Tom. I'll reserve judgement on them for now but have taken a bit of a shine to posh totty Tom. Am I shallow? Is the Pope a Catholic?