Open Sesame!
We now have our proper housemates after poor Beinazir was cruelly packed off on an old Routemaster to spend her Sunday evening touring the Borehamwood roundabouts. There was no crowd or photographers to greet her which was just as well as she left the house looking like she'd been living in an Al-Qaeda bolt hole in the Afghan mountains for a couple of weeks.
Everyone was sad about her departure for about 5 minutes until Siavash's suitcase was delivered and his bizarre wardrobe was revealed to the world. To say his clothes are eclectic is an understatement. A bit like saying Katie Price is orange.
No sooner had this veritable box of delights been opened that the housemates decided to have an impromptu fancy dress party and emptied the contents onto the floor. Charlie was particularly excited as he rolled around in lycra and sequins with a large appendage attached to his face. Not for the first time, I bet.
Siavash tried to remain composed but you could tell he was seething at having his precious clothes thrown around the house like a Monday morning bin bag sort in a charity shop.
Of all the housemates I think Siavash is the one with a clear house strategy. He's already recruited Ciaron to his harem but I have a feeling this relationship may turn out to be like Abanazer and Aladdin. Watch your back lad! If he asks you to rub anything in the dark...... think on.
I'm fascinated by Siavash's chest hair grooming. WTF is that all about? Leave it be or shave it all off. That half hairy look is just stupid. It looks like he's recovering from open heart surgery.
Freddie has had a bad week. It started rough when he was forced to change his name to Halfwit but went right downhill when he caused the first 'gate' of BB10 by chopping up some eggs and lettuce. The housemates were beside themselves. His card was marked.
He tried to cheer himself up by stroking Dogface's neck and watching her pelvic floor exercises but she clearly has her sights set on curly Kris and wasn't having any of Freddie's awkward flirts.
Lisa is settling into the role of house mother but her demeanour can change very quickly. I've noticed that her cock comb cut is a clear sign of her mood. If it's lying flat then she's calm and friendly but as soon as it's up she's as spiky as the red flash on her head. It must be the testosterone.
Angel's had a week of ups and downs. Her solitary birthday party was perfect for the strange loner. She was positively beaming at the feast supplied by Big Brother. Obviously a bottle of milk and a half salami is considered a banquet in her homeland. Her eating habits are very odd. Whilst everyone else whooped and scoffed their pizza treat, Angel declined and got her lips around a raw egg instead. I guess you can teach a Grand Guingol to suck eggs. Sorry!
The quote of the week goes to the Fife floozy. Karly has apparently studied German at college but her understanding of language was clear when she announced that English and German are very similar because of the war. Now I never knew that. Amazing what you learn watching Big Brother.
I really can't make my mind up about Sree. He's either stark raving bonkers or a clever and conniving little git. He thinks everyone in the house loves him and they probably did for a couple of days. However if he doesn't get off that sanctimonious high horse soon I think there may be bloodshed.
His flirting skills are worse than Freddie's. He starts off by insulting the girls and making them feel like cheap whores. He sticks the morality knife in as far as it will go until the inevitable tears start flowing. That's his cue to slither over and comfort them with a kiss and a cuddle. I think he's a snake in cheap white sunglasses.
At the start of the week it looked like Saffia was the Queen Bee of the house, surrounded by her attentive boys. In a matter of days she'd been knocked back by Kris and virtually knocked out by a barrage of abuse from a paranoid pixie and walked out of the house wailing for her kids.
Sophia was clever. She knew that to survive in the house you need eyes on the back of your head. Maybe that's why she took to wearing 3 pairs of glasses.
Her misguided tactics didn't work and she faced eviction with Freddie. As she wisely predicted that it would be the public that decided her fate. We did and she was booted out after a flash of knickers and boobs like a Notting Hill Carnival version of Barbara Windsor.
She's dropped it till it's hot for the last time.
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