A Life Less Ordinary

I've missed a lot of Big Brother this week due to birthday celebrations and travel so here's my BB10 tribute to Michael Jackson.

She's Out of my Life

The penny seems to have finally dropped for Sree as an icy calm descended on his relationship with Noiron. He did what any broken hearted lad would do in the circumstances. He dyed his hair ginger and went gay. Poor Charlie and Rodrigo were completely bemused by the cringe inducing come-ons from their hairy eared housemate.

Not even Siavash was safe as Sree slipped in to share his bath for a game of hide the soap.

Ebony & Ivory

Noirin and her Simon Cowell nashers have become a bit of a pain in the ass since the removal of her fake glasses. She's grown in confidence since her liberation but with her new found spunk has come a bossy bitchy streak. Is this the real Noirin or is it just her time of the month? I suspect it's the former and will inevitably lead her to be a former housemate.

Will You Be There

I'm so bored of the Kris and Dogface romance. Will they get it on? Will they last outside the house? Are their feelings true? Who give a flying fig! There's something bland and charmless about the pair of them. It's like they've been grown in a jar on some wet blotting paper by the editors of Heat magazine.

Can You Feel It

Freddie had a few treats for his birthday bash. The day started badly with the housemates chanting round a stone circle like extras from The Whicker Man. It was supposed to be a freeform music festival but was more like Woodstock for the tone deaf. Charlie decided he fancied a makeover and Kris transformed him from a 60s love child into a dead ringer for a Marbella barmaid. Freddie's special day ended with a birthday snog from Angel. She ravaged him over the ashtray with a glazed look on her face like a stoned porn star. Angel claims she loved his mind. Don't think she was searching in the right orifice.

PYT (Pretty Young Thing)

Rodrigo made a lovely Queen in the Tudor task. His sultry Latin pout was giving Sophie and Karly a run for their money as the most beautiful wife of King Siavash. These 3 pretties made up for the fact that Angel resembled Helena Bonham Carter as The Bride of Frankenstein and Sree and Freddie were The Ugly Sisters in this multi cultural pantomime.

The Girl is Mine

Noirin had a new admirer this week. With Sree and Marcus sidelined, it was Angel's turn to fall for her Irish charms. Maybe it was down to the removal of the glasses and moustache but Angel was suddenly besotted with her inner and outer beauty. It was another short lived affair. Maybe it's a culture thing but Western girls are not usually impressed to be told by a suitor that they have a fat arse and look 3 months pregnant. Having said that I'm sure that there's similar compliments handed out every weekend in Yate's Wine bar in Croydon.

Remember the Time

Quote of the week was from Lisa. While she was plucking a bird for the Tudor banquet she mused 'this is what they must have done to chickens in the olden days'. Does she think that modern chickens are bald?

Bad

There was a quite a few bad things happening in the house this week. Charlie was attempting to dance again in the Tudor task. Luckily his long dress and escaped nipples distracted the judges from his lack of rhythm.

Bullying came to the fore as the house launched a full out attack on the house eccentrics. Angel got the brunt of it as Kris kicked off and accused her of stealing some cans of cider. Freddie found the elusive cans in the fridge but Kris was defiant and refused to apologise. His reason being that Angel had eaten half a tin of cold baked beans in week 1. There is no logic to bullying.

Angel was targeted again when Charlie threw a bag of water over her as she embroidered her eviction outfit with Baco-Foil. Oh how they chuckled as the poor girl ran crying to the bedroom.

Noirin also stuck the knife in during the pre-eviction party. Out of the blue and at half past midnight on what could be Angel's final night in the house the Dublin Doyen swaggered into the lounge and ordered her to wash up a few dishes. An innocent enough request you might think but it was delivered with the venom of a cobra.

Only Freddie and Rodrigo showed any form of decency towards the Russian artist and in return were abused by Lisa and her cohorts for being 'too up Angel's arse'. Which brings me onto....

Human Nature

The Big Brother House always brings out the worst in people. Those housemates who are perceived as 'different' or eccentric are always isolated and attacked by the dullards. Freddie and Angel have suffered the worst this year and it was inevitable that they would be up for eviction on Friday. Angel was even too unique and strange for the Great British public and we booted her out last night leaving Freddie to survive another week of bitching and ridicule from the 'normals'.

Heal the World

Freddie for Prime Minister!