Saturday, 17 September 2011

Female Trouble

In the space of a week it's gone from Hollyoaks to a John Water's movie.  How quickly the worms have turned and the mice are roaring.  The full moon had a strange affect on the house hormones. Oh and Mark got his dick out.

Rebeckah has always been a bit prickly but this week she really showed her hand as she weaved a spell around hapless Aden and Mark.  Toying with them like a cat with her acrylic talons.  With all that totty in there why would these donuts fall for the mardy bird who doesn't seem to brush the back of her hair?

Maybe it was the anecdote about her urinating on her boyfriend that got their juices flowing but can't they see that she's really taking the piss?  The only watersports she's going to play would involve drowning the competition in the egg shaped bath.  She's already dampened Arden's ardour and looks like it'll be tears at bedtime for Mark since he informed us that he cries after a wank.  Get those boys some Zinc tablets!

As well a playing the players, Rebeckah's also been shit stirring and bitching about her other housemates at every opportunity.  I know it wouldn't be hard to manipulate some of those dim wits but it seems like Aaron is the only person who can see what she's up to.  She knows he knows too and it's really annoying her :-)

Chocolate gate was a perfect example of her devious tactics.  After munching a few sneaky biscuits in the store room she discovered that Heaven had been spotted nibbling a bit of chocolate.  She immediately raised the alarm with the other housemates, screaming 'Heaven's eating all the food'.  Mob rule descended on the hapless holistic healer and she ran off sobbing to the bedroom.  Enter Rebeckah, the caring counsellor, to tell Heaven why none of the other housemates like her.  Of course she was only doing this because Heaven is like her best friend.  Job done.  The Spearmint Rhino hostess smirked as Heaven looked broken and confused.

Poor Alex was given a task by Big Brother this week.  I think it was to raise her profile.  She spent the next two hours walking round the house talking to herself.  Isn't that what she's been doing for the last seven days?

Faye and Maisy didn't really do much this week apart from sit around with the Wolf pack lads.  This Wolf pack thing is a really bad idea.  It's like The Jungle Cats with no teeth.

I'm really liking Aaron and Louise and their developing relationship.  They're my favourite housemates at the moment.  They seem quite human and normal.  In their case 'being themselves' is a good thing which can't be said for the other attention seeking idiots.  I really wish Aaron had been brave enough to dump the shopping list for some beer and a Scalextric set.  Give him more time and I think he's gonna be a Big Brother star.  It's a bonus that he's a dead ringer for Jenson Button.

Talking of attention seeking idiots.....Trashie was the first person to get the boot.  Her highlights in the house were crying over a saucepan and claiming the moon had tears because she was up for eviction.  If she was granted one wish, what would it be?  Of course, she wanted to grow things on trees like sandwich bags.  What about growing a brain or some dignity? What a ridiculous waste of space.

I'm still liking crazy Mark but wishing that he'd keep his clothes on some of the time.  Running around the house naked he looks like a stork with a prolapse.

Quote of the week came from Aaron.  During a very intellectual debate about the origins of Big Brother the Weston Wonder told everyone that the concept came from a book called 1984 written by Orson Welles. Genius.

In other news - Cheryl Cole has finally managed to get another job.  The Geordie Polly Pocket has flown into Afghanistan to help the boys in beige defeat the Taliban.  They plan to send her round the mountains singing her greatest hit live, to drive the enemy out of their caves.  I'm sure Amnesty International will be on the case as that's more cruel than anything that went on in Guantanamo Bay.  Without auto-tuning that really is a weapon of mass destruction.

No comments:

Post a Comment