And so it came to pass that on a good Friday in January the house was rid of the dirty wench who had laid with men and been a lesbian dildo fence during her time in the other Big House. Heidi followed Katia into the wilderness on the 13th day wearing her soiled pyjamas and some Primark Ugg boots. We could have forgiven her trespasses if she'd just had a bloody good wash!
Pastor Baldwin and his gormless disciple have provided us with the most bizarre and cringe worthy TV of the series. Stephen's flock of one is a perfect example of how the dim and bewildered can fall foul of these religious freaks. They play a clever game of mind control. Make them feel bad about themselves 'you're a tossed salad' and then tell them how the Lord can make them a better person. I suspect Mr Baldwin went through a similar process during his conversion. His addiction to drugs and alcohol being replaced by an addiction to his God.
Even innocent morons like Alex need a sign from above to complete their conversion and Brother Baldwin duly facilitated the first Miracle of Borehamwood when Alex dropped a bottle of water and God made it land upright. Not exactly the feeding of the 5,000 but it was proof positive for the naive, cage fighting tranny.
Saint Stephen is a great housemate but I can't help but wonder if his disdain for Nicola, his eagerness to rub Alex's muscles and his obsession with Jonas' Y-fronts might have been the Achilles heel that his brainwashers needed.
I know Vinnie is still the bookies favourite but I've really gone off him in the last few days. He's been acting like Pontius Pilate. Whipping up bad feeling in the house about Sov and then washing his hands of responsibility by not nominating her. He cleverly manipulated the house with his constant bitching and totally engineered Egg Gate by offering Sov her extra fried egg and then standing back and watching it all kick off.
Stephanie has become Vinnie's Cleopatra. Beautiful but intolerant of lesser mortals. Apart from whipping up some pureed dinners during the Last Legs task with Ivana, she's done bugger all in the house that didn't involve someone else doing stuff for her.
Nicola feared she was going to be cast out with the serpents on the 16th day. She needn't have worried her empty little head. Yes Nicola, a boa constrictor is a snake! The scheming of the Roman Governor and his strumpet made sure that sinner Sov faced the baying crowds. She descended from the mount in her Puffa jacket and unlaced trainers after succumbing to her last temptation. A slice of corned beef and an early egg.
In the beginning, I liked Jonas. I still think he's a decent bloke even if he does shave his pubes.
Jonas to win!
Amen.
No comments:
Post a Comment