That's all Folks!

And now the end is near. And so I face the final curtain.

No hang on, it's just Stephanie leaving the Big Brother house wearing Laurence Llewelyn Bowen swags and tails. She looked like she was going to the Colby Co Christmas Party instead of facing a rabble of frozen hoodies near Scratchwood Services. The final of one of the most bizarre and simply the best Celebrity Big Brothers had arrived.

The last week was a corker and Big Brother didn't let the housemates get complacent for their race to the end.

Poor Ivana was the first one out after being humiliated on a fake Swedish award show. She took it on the chin. After all, it is what it is Darlink.

Talking of chins. Nicola continued to prove that she had the most enquiring mind in the house, asking the lads if they'd ever had a sex toy up their ass. This was followed by one of those uneasy silences when the boys couldn't decide what the coolest answer would be. Unfortunately Rocky is an open book and you could tell by the nervous smile that there's been a bit of flip flopping with a strap on round at Chez Price.

Alex had another embarrassing sexual exchange when Vinnie told him he enjoys cross dressing. The poor guy was in a right state. Shifting nervously on the kitchen counter he had to walk out for some air as he started sweating profusely. I bet he took a pack of tissues to bed that night.

The farm yard task was another belter. Dane Bowers dancing with a pig. Now that's not a first.

Nicola was summoned to the Diary Room and told that she was being evicted. Her jaw hit the floor. It didn't have far to fall. It was nearly there anyway. She went out the back door and was replaced by a very excited Davina disguised in a chick outfit.

Unfortunately Davina was rumbled almost immediately by the housemates and it was quite uncomfortable viewing as she was menaced by a horse, a goat and a chicken at the Diary Room door. It was strange territorial behaviour by the guys as they manhandled her on the floor. I thought we might be witnessing the first chick being gang banged in the house.

Jonas the Pig came to the rescue and he sat snorting with her on the bench for a bit. Try as she might, Davina wasn't able to squeeze out a fart for her porky pal so he decided to rejoin his farmyard buddies and left her to wander around the garden on her own. I bet she didn't expect such a hostile reception but she seemed to enjoy being allowed to be part of the story after 10 years on the outside.

After Davina left, a light came on in Rocky's head as he suddenly worked out why they'd all been wearing animal costumes for the evening. Numpty!

The final night was fantastic as we all looked forward to Vinnie realising that he's not the man of the people he thought he was.

All the housemates were back and huddling under a big pink duvet with fixed grins. Katia had a face like a slapped ass all night as she just wished the whole thing would end and she could get back to cruising care homes.

Have to say that I was cheering wildly when Alex won. He might be thick as mince and more than a tad deluded but he seems to be a sweetheart. As expected, La Price was there like a big black crow waiting to swoop. Now that he's proved to be popular with the public I'm sure she's thinking this is an opportunity to get them back on side to feed her ego.

It's like Peter Andre all over again. Jordan was loathed by the public until she met the cheesy Aussie in the jungle and his gormless charm rubbed off on her for a while. I bet the bookies are already taking bets on how long it will be before an engagement is announced exclusively in OK. I give it a few weeks. In fact I'm going to stick my neck out and predict a 12 page spread in the Valentine Day edition.

So the final Celebrity Big Brother is over and I'm not ashamed to say I was a bit teary as the best bits played out to Florence & the Machine. It's a shame that we had to wait for the final series before the cynics realised what a simply perfect concept this show was and it will be sorely missed. Remarkable television.

Thank you Channel 4, Endemol, Davina, George, Emma and the final 12. You were great.

I don't think we've seen the last of Celebrity Big Brother.

See you in the summer xxxxxx